Summer rain

And all it brings....

I’m sitting at my new window desk watching the rain pour down before me. The European rain showers have become more tropical than they ever used to be. They appear out of nowhere and come crashing down from the sky with great force, only to stop quite suddenly as if to take a breather.

I notice how I wish they would go on for hours. Not to flood us obviously, that’s not what I mean. But to inundate my troubles, this force of nature that makes itself heard through its falling droplets, thrills me to the bone. It is in those moments that I realise we are but small and insignificant in the great scheme of things.

I stare out my window and wonder about the lives that are being lived in the houses and apartments I face. Do they too enjoy the sudden rain showers? I see their windows open, some fully, most just slightly. The fresh rain breeze that politely waves when entering my nostrils is bound to find its way into those other homes.

The summer greens so full and vibrant, holding off the shades of amber yellow from intruding way too soon. But they are… Autumn is slowly falling into season.

Autumn is slowly falling into season.

I wonder how this year will go. I wonder that on every single day as the year flies by and I realise another year has passed and I’m still here; at home, in my head, with a sore body that aches to be heard - still.

I try to listen, heal, care. But the task is bigger than I thought. The pain is deeper, hidden mostly from myself. If not for the reminders that my body holds, I could be led to thinking that all was just imagined.

That web of fabricated family ties that do not bind us. Only break us. Time and time again.The recurring pain of trauma caused in childhood years that inhabits our adult souls makes for rough edges, steep falls, large craters and ever-changing landscapes that haunt us into false appearances and wretched expectations.

Every single time as they slowly fade, but never disappear.